Attracting A Star
by TVBum
Summary: Bart and Lisa are listening to Hollywood FM and find out that Jessica Simpson is Homers's long lost sister. But there's a problem. They ask her to come over the next day. But Marge and Homer don't know that she's coming to the Simpsons house.
1. Playing With A Radio

"And were listening to 'I broke my brain

**Disclaimer****: ****I do not own the Simpsons, or any of its characters. But I have written about them and put them on FanFiction. And that's breaking a copyright law. So sue me, I dare you.**

"_And were listening to 'I broke my __brain!' on audio book through the radio!" said the radio man, "And now we'll hand it over to Troy McLure with chapter number 2."_

"_Hi, I'm Troy McClure, you may remember me from such recordings as, 'Oh My God, I killed the baby' and 'I'm a lesbian, what do I do?' But let me tell you one thing this story has a completely different ending. We will now hand it over the voicers of this recording."_

"_And now for chapter number 2."_ Said the narrator.

"_Honey, can you get some soup for me? I'm as lazy as a pig today… not!"_ And she began to start snoring with a really fake attitude.

"Wow, Marge we could do what they do!" said Homer quietly.

"Mmm, I think you have to be a bit more of a professional to be able to do that sort of stuff." said Marge rather tiredly.

"Oh come on Marge, It'll be great fun! Let's practise." Said Homer felling rather excited, "Honey, can you get the stool for me? I'm a lazy as a pig today. Not."

"Mmm, Homer could give it a bit of a break?" asked Marge.

"Aww come on Marge. I need to practise if I want to become a successful reader of audio books." Said Homer who was feeling quite offended.

"Goodnight Homer."

"Get the stool for me!! I'm as lazy as a pig!" said Homer rather angrily.

"That's enough!" yelled Marge, "and now we will never speak of an audio book career again.

Bart and Lisa Simpson were listening to the whole conversation outside the bedroom door.

"Bart, I think Mum and Dad have gone crazy over audio book recordings! What should we do?" asked Lisa, quite frightened.

"So? I say we go to the kitchen radio and listen to the radio on Hollywood FM." said Bart.

"Bart, that station is highly inappropriate for little kids like us!" said Lisa.  
"Don't have a cow man! We're just going to listen to it for a couple of minutes." And with that Bart walked off.

"I am not classified as a male!" said Lisa.

When they both got to the kitchen, Bart began to tune in the radio.

"123.4 FM." Bart said happily.

"Bart, I don't think you should be doing this." said Lisa who was very against the idea.

"Who cares, Lis? I mean it's not like anyone will just happen to knock at the door at the very moment." said Bart carelessly.

"_And we're on live with the one and only Jessica Simpson" _said the Radio Host.

"_Thanks Harry, yeah, um well, I just, um, found out that I have a long lost brother. And I really, really want to __meet him. I mean I hope he's as hot as me because I don't want anyone putting a bad name on the family. His name is Homer Simpson and he lives in Springfield. Thanks again, Twinkles."_

"_And our phone number i__s, 06829436." _said the Radio Host.

"Lisa, do we know a Homer Simpson?" asked Bart.

"Bart of course we do! He's our Dad!" responded Lisa, "What's gotten into you?"

"Her voice is so hypnotising." said Bart dreamily, "I'm going to the phone."

"What for?" asked Lisa, but Bart had already made his way to the phone and was halfway through dialling Hollywood FM.

"Hello, my name is Homer Simpson, I would like to meet Jessica Simpson, my long lost sister." said Bart in a put on voice.

"Okay Mr. Simpson, we will send her to meet you as soon as possible. But you will also have to meet Ashley Simpson as well. Do you accept?" asked the man on the other end of the line.

"Anything to hear her voice again." responded Bart.

"Ah, Mr. Simpson, we do need you to talk seriously, where do you live, exactly?"

"Oh, what? Oh, I live somewhere in Evergreen Terrace." said Bart as he put his hand over the phone, "Psst, Lis, where do we live?"

"I dunno, I thought you would have been listening in the start of year address class."

"But that's my point, I don't listen to things like that." said Bart and released his hand from the speaker, "Ur, yeah you'll find it. Yeah we will put up a sign that says _Simpson_."

"Ok, Mr. Simpson, we will send her over as soon as possible to meet you." and then the man hung up.

"Lis, do you know what this means?"

"What?"

"It means we're going to meet Jessica Simpson in person."

Bart and Lisa went to Bart's bedroom.

"Where do you keep your portable radio Bart?" asked Lisa.

"I lost it, but where going to find it." snapped Bart. And with that, they both began to start looking for the portable radio.

"Found it!" said Bart from the other end of the room.

"Oh, good." Lisa responded.

They both began to set up the radio. Once it was finished they tunned it into Hollywood FM.

But something was wrong. They were replaying the phone call they had made a few minutes ago.

"Oh dear, Bart mum and dad are listening to this station," said Lisa worriedly, "we're going to get busted."

"Um Lis, think about it. This is a future time radio. It says I can control with my swirly glasses." said Bart.

"Well that's lucky," said Lisa, "how much is the delay difference?"

"A day." responded Bart lazily.

"That might just be enough to make a plan, and then we can get away with it."

"Relax Lis, from your nerdy attitude towards things, I worked out that this is not a future radio" said Bart.

"Oh crap! Bart what are we going to do?" asked Lisa.

"We'll just have to take our chances then." said Bart.

Bart and Lisa went down to the there parents bedroom and pressed there ears up against the door. But they couldn't hear anything about the phone call. They were still listening to: _I Broke My Brain_.

"Bart," whispered Lisa, "how could we be so stupid? There listening to Hollywood AM, not Hollywood FM!"

"That's nice to know."

"Bart, don't you know what this means? We've messed things up. Mum and Dad haven't heard anything about Jessica Simpson!" Lisa murmured.

"Oh, forget it Lis! Lets just decorate the 'Simpson' sign." Bart said.

**A/N ****And that's Chapter 1. Please review and tell me what you think.**


	2. I Hate One Horse Towns

The next morning, Bart and Lisa rushed down the stairs, they had to make a plan before Marge and Homer got out of bed

The next morning, Bart and Lisa rushed down the stairs, they had to make a plan before Marge and Homer got out of bed.

"I say we just put the 'Simpsons' sign in Flanders' garden, then she will find out that the people in Springfield are Christians and she'll be gone within an hour." suggested Bart.

"But you know famous people; they can't keep secrets for a second. Within a day, half the world will believe Jessica's story and they'll think that her long lost brother goes to church like, everyday." said Lisa.

"Ah, ah, ah. Lis, not every day. Every week." said Bart.

"I suppose your right, but still..." Lisa's voice trailed off.

"Um… But still what?" said Bart, feeling a bit puzzled.

"WE NEED TO PUT UP THE SIGN! OR OTHERWISE MOM WILL FIND IT IN THE SPRING CLEAN AND SHE'LL ASK US WHAT IT'S FOR, AND WE WON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY." yelled Lisa in one breath. (Someone didn't get enough sleep…)

"What's going on down there?" yelled a muffled voice that sounded like Marge.

"Nothing." they both said at the same time, "Jinx."

"Oh great now we can't even talk." murmured Lisa.

"You talked, so now I get to slap you." yelled Bart.

_WHACK!!_

"MOM!" howled Lisa in pain.

"Yes honey?" replied Marge.

"Bart hit me." yelled Lisa.

"Just hang on, your father will come down in a second and tell Bart off." responded Marge.

There was a short pause, then Homer came down the stairs. "What's happened now you little rats?"

"HOMER!" yelled Marge from upstairs.

"Dad, Bart hit me." said Lisa beginning to calm down.

"Bart!"

"Yes dad?"

"Why did you hit your sister?"

"Because she talked when we were both jinxed."

"Did you just say 'we were _both _jinxed'?"

"Um… ur… no… I just… ur…" Bart said, his voice slowly trailing off, "Yeah… RUN!" said Bart.

"Heh Heh Heh! Kids now I can slap you all I want, because talked." yelled Homer, chasing after both of them.

Homer kept chasing them both around the house for quite sometime. (Well, now everyone was walking around the house, seeing they had been running around for half an hour.) When Homer had caught them in the kitchen, he grabbed there collars and began taking them outside into the front yard and dropped them.

"Now, I want you to say 'We are Bart and Lisa Simpson, and will not hit each other again.' 1,000,000 times." growled Homer.

"Don't you mean 1,000?" said Bart with a bit of hope.

"I mean every word I ever say, ever. Because I'm Homer J. Simpson." growled Homer.

"We are Bart and Lisa Simpson, and will not hit each other again. We are Bart and Lisa Simpson, and will not hit each other again..." They both chanted, but then they saw a limousine drive past their house, just as they said the word 'Simpson'. The car kept going, but then it turned around and went back to the Simpsons house and drove into the driveway.

"Ur… Hi… Who are you?" stuttered Homer.

"Ur… I'm your long lost sister." yelled Jessica.

"Who?" said Homer quite puzzled.

"I AM JESSICA SIMPSON, AND YOU WILL DO WELL TO REMEMBER IT!" yelled Jessica.

"Jessica Simp-"

"Yeah that's me, you said it, now lets go to my bedroom, I hate this one horse town."

"But Mrs. Simpson, there's one problem." Homer said shyly.

"WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAVE GONE WRONG NOW?!"

"We don't have a bed for you, I mean we didn't know you were coming. I mean the boy prob- BOY!"

"Yes dad?" asked Bart.

"Did you know that Jessica was coming?" asked Homer.

"Yes… I mean no…. I mean maybe." responded Bart.

"Bartholomew Simpson! Tell the truth." yelled Homer.

"That is the truth. Yikes!" and Bart began to run down the street.

"Bartholomew! Come back." yelled Jessica, her mouth already full of Jelly and Peanut Butter sandwiches.

"By the way, Mrs. Simpson, the boy's name is Bart."

"MY NAME IS JESSICA! AND I WILL SAY THE FIRST NAME THAT I HEAR WHEN YOU ARE TALKING TO HIM! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" yelled Jessica.

"Yes Mrs. Simpson… I mean Jessica."

"WHAT?! You are the worst long lost brother anyone ever had! Now you make sure Bartholomew comes home safely, I'm not a freak like the author of this FanFiction! He can't even look after his sims!

"Of course Mrs. Simp- DOH! Why don't I show you your room. Seeing the boys run away, you can have his room." Homer said.

"What?! I won't take that crap in. Bartholomew needs to have a caring family, don't you care that he has run away?!" asked Jessica getting more speechless by the seconds, "Now do you have a wife? You're a pain in the butt!"

"The boys name is Bart," growled Homer. "Yeah I do have a wife. I think she's in the kitchen."

"Thanks," and she walked off, then she yelled from the front door, "I'll see you in hell!"

"Ur… Mr. Simpson that'll be a 500 fee. What?! Why?" asked Homer, puzzled.

"Well I've had to drive this Limousine from Hollywood to here. I'm giving you a 10,000 discount.

"Uh, uh, no way, not doing it! I won't pay for it." exclaimed Homer.

"You'll be sorry you just said that." Yelled the Limousine driver as he reversed onto the road, (a difficult task, seeing as the Limosine was so long, it almost had to use the neighbor's driveway to get out.)

About an hour later, Bart returned with a large cramp hovering in his stomach.

"Hey, Bart, how are you?" asked Homer.

"Must… Never… Run… Again." exclaimed Bart.

"Oh Bartholomew, I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, let your parents do that to you again." Said Jessica, relived that Bart had returned.

"Don't have a cow man." Said Bart.

"Don't have a sheep man! That is no way to treat a woman, and you know that!" mimicked Jessica.

"Ur, say, Jessica, why don't I make you a cup of coffee?" asked Marge.

"You know what? I hate coffee. And you'll do well to remember it." snapped Jessica.

"Um, do you like tea?" asked Marge.

"You know what? I love tea. Pour me a triple mug tea." responded Jessica.

"Um, we don't have them in Springfield." said Marge.

"Ur, fine, just do a double!" yelled Jessica.

"We don't have them either." Marge said.

"Well what do you have?!" yelled Jessica.

"A mug." Homer said.

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING DO YOU?! I HATE ONE HORSE TOWN'S! H-A-T-E! And you'll do well to remember that." snapped Jessica.

"Gosh, Jessica you're worse than my Sims." Bart said.

There was quite a long pause.

"Bartholomew, did you just fart?" asked Jessica.

"Did you just say that so you could talk?" asked Bart.

"Yeah, it's what us Hollywooders do. At least we've got a two horse town." Jessica said.

Again there was a long pause.

"Jessica did you fart?" asked Bart.

"You one horses butt! You can't insult a lady like that!" yelled Jessica.

"Um, Jessica, why don't we go to the closest caravan park and find you cabin." suggested Marge.

"What do you mean? I'm sleeping in Bartholomew's room." Jessica said, puzzled.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, did you say 'Bartholomew's room'?" asked Bart.

"You should get your ears checked out." yelled Jessica, so it almost burst Bart's eardrums

"Jessica, I love your voice." Bart said dreamily.

"Oh, Bartholomew, thanks for the compliment, it's so high because I use helium." Jessica said dreamily.

Everyone stared at Jessica.

"Jessica, you shouldn't do that, it's quite unhealthy." Marge said, feeling quite frightened.

"Who said a one horse town could tell me what to do?" asked Jessica.

There was a long silence, everybody was trying to think of an answer.

"Say um, Jessica, wanna go on a shopping spree?" asked Bart.

"Bartholomew! My name is Aunty Simpson." yelled Jessica.

"Sure thing, Aunty Smellica." Said Bart.

"BARTHOLOMEW! YOU CAN NOT TREAT A STAR THAT WAY. YOU DO NOT ATTRACT A STAR LIKE THAT!" yelled Jessica.

"I know, Aunty Smellica." muttered Bart.

"Well, okay then, Jessica you can sleep in the basement." said Marge.

"Okay, I love basements! They are so totally like a shopping spree! I mean, it is so fun!"

"Jessica, are you sure you don't want to rent a cabin?" asked Marge.

"Look, if I really wanted to, I would tell you wouldn't I?" snapped Jessica.

"Well yeah, but..." Marge began, but Jessica began to say something else.

"Then it's settled, I want to sleep in the basement, and that's fine with you, which means I _am _going to sleep in the basement." yelled Jessica.

"Hey Marge! Keep it down, I'm trying to watch the duff commercials!" yelled the voice of Homer.

"Okay, Homie! I'm just trying to get your wacky long lost sister a bed!" yelled Marge from the basement.

"Wacky? Wacky?! Who said I was wacky?" asked a very, very angry Jessica.

"Listen Jessica, no one…" began Marge.

"I'll give you wacky!" she yelled, and she began to run up the stairs and went in to Bart's room. She came back with a 'Krusty Says Whack' toy.

"I'll give you wacky!" she repeated. And she began swinging the 'Krusty Says Whack' toy like crazy. She almost broke Homer's toe, and almost chopped off the last 30 centimeters of Marge's hair.

"Look, Jessica just give it a break." Marge said calmly.

"Break? Ha! You couldn't make me have a break in a million years!" she yelled getting more dangerous by the seconds, "Hang on, just let me take a break, I need to go for my afternoon jog." and then she left the house without another word.

"Hey, Marge, why is my sister such an idiot?" asked Homer.

Marge sighed, "I guess it's just because she's rich, and she obliviously hates Springfeild. Well in her opinion the 'one horse town'." Marge sighed.

"But that's not the point Marge, my point is that brothers and sisters should get on well, but she's treating me like I'm a peace of crap." Homer said.

"Well I guess that's…" Marge began.

"Answer that question later, I'm gonna go and get a beer." Said Homer.

He went to the fridge and stuck his head in, "Hey Marge where did all the beers go?" asked Homer.

"I don't know, Homie." Said Marge, "Maybe Jessica thought they were for her."

"Later, I'm going to Moe's."

"Homie, wait…"

About an hour later Jessica returned to the Simpsons house as drunk as ever, "Greetings freakish one horse town people." She Said.

"Jessica, are you alright?" asked Marge.

"What do you mean? I'm going to bed! Ha ha ha!" she yelled and ran off to her room.

"I think she's an alcoholic." Said Bart

"Mmm Hmm." Marge and Lisa said together.


End file.
